Today's WitKey: Cry.

Today's WitKey: Cry.
  
  I spoke to a male friend of mine today and he said when times got hard for him during the start of his Practice he would worry, scream and go home and cry; that's right I said cry. A man admitting he cries. Of course I laughed at him. I laughed at him not because he was crying but because here I was sitting at home screaming at my husband and crying and I felt weak. Through my tears I chided myself for wasting my time and my energy, possible starving my family and for what? However, now I feel immensely better knowing that a 50 year-old man, for whom I have great respect and admiration, would go home and cry like ...well...a girl. It was not the fact of him crying; it is the fact that I was not alone.
  
 I woke up today determined to give it all up and "get a job". I mean here I am a 26 plus some year-old with a two-year old and a one-year old, what the heck am I doing? I am barely surviving. One month I was on top of the world and this month I am checking out Benefits.gov to determine my eligibility for "food stamps", don't let your pride fool you, you are unemployed until your business starts to pay off; if you need them apply.  I am so tired I can't even focus and on top of that I am sick and so is my youngest son which equals two-hours (at the most) of sleep.
   
 Today, is another day in a long week. The party-place cancelled my son's birthday party, my hairdresser dyed my hair orange and then charged me twenty-five dollars to re-dye it and finally I scraped off the paint from the side of my car onto the garage door; and today is just Thursday. I initially handled the week well but on two hours of sleep a husband in another country and a sick baby; the tears just fell. I called around and no one seemed to understand the frustration I was going through, I seem to be the only dumb enough to launch a business with two toddlers in this economy.
I lacked support, I lacked faith, I lacked the strength to continue and I was ready to give up it and stay-at-home searching for a job; until I spoke with my friend.

While he did not give me the magic map to lots of clients and money, he did give me hope. Something, some believe,  so small and insignificant as hope has renewed my energy and my faith. And he has given me another life lesson, if all else fails; cry. I would not cry in public though this is a male dominated industry, after all and we must keep that in mind. But you can only pretend to be so strong for so long, so in a male dominated industry  sometimes I think we should, in this instance, do as the men do; cry. Go ahead, I won't tell anybody; else.

Today's WitKey: Divine Patience

I have had a week from Heck! I wont hesitate to tell you. It is only wed and so far this week: my son's birthday party (scheduled for Saturday) has been cancelled because the venue is flooded out. After wanting a change in my life and deciding to dye my hair,I walk out of the salon with what must have been a mutant muppet hanging from my face (he is being amputated as I type to you) and on top of that I scrape the side of my car and my mirror backing out of the garage. Now, the people who knew me from the beginning of time think that by now someone has been cursed out. I am happy to report that nothing could be furthest from the truth.
I have learned in my 26 (plus some) years that the person you are yelling at is probably not the point of your frustration. And to the tell the truth as mad as I should be; I'm not. I know it's a scary thing and someone should probably have the military on speed-dial but I feel nothing. I don't know if I have suddenly been blessed with the patience that I have prayed so long for or I am just numb.
What do I mean by numb? Well I believe that every person gets to the point when they have so little energy they conserve it. Therefore, you get to the point where what used to be a big deal is no longer worth the energy. I believe this is what occurs when we get passed our 50's as well. Everything in life becomes "okay" i.e. " I am sorry that your son's party is cancelled and you will have to wait till the insurance claims comes through to get your refund" my reply "okay" or " I know it's not your fault your hair is wrong but we are going to have to charge you 25 dollars to fix it" my reply "okay"... As I type this I am realizing this maybe more than numb or Divine patience; it has to be Divine intervention!